Frederic the Cupboard

Dies ist die Geschichte die James letztens fuer seinen English Unterricht geschrieben hat. Ganz klar verarscht er seine Lehrerin, und zwar richtig. DIes hat sie aber nicht wirklich kapiert und ihm eine tolle Note gegeben. Das war noch lustiger nachdem wir die Geschichte gehoert haben in der Pause als James uns sie vorgelesen hat. Enjoy!

Once upon a winter’s morning Frederic the cupboard lost his face. It was terrible, he was so sad and slightly brown in the face, but he didn’t have a face, so he was just brown in the space. Frederic the cupboard once went to school, when he used to have a face. He remembered the time when the big Kangaroo kicked his mother in the knees, she cried out like a loud chicken. His mother was the school he went to, she was a nice blue building with pretty windows, he was always proud of her for that. Before she died in the giant fires of summer, she used to talk about moving to Australia, she loved Australia, she wanted to marry him. The kangaroo who kicked her in the knees was from Australia, he was a jerk, with all his kicking and such. Not nice. Frederic’s mother used to say, ‘I hope Australia is not like Kangaroo, because he kicks me in my knees a lot.’ Frederic would tell her, ‘No, don’t worry, his parents abused him, that is why he is not nice, he doesn’t understand others, he cannot connect with them as he was mentally scarred by his mother and mother.’ The kangaroo had two mothers, they were both female, they wore dresses and everything. They made him eat cakes made of poo, he hated them, they were too sticky and warm. They would melt into his teeth and fester for days. So he was always angry, his face always did the frowning face, and this made him unattractive, which in turn made him less likeable.

Frederic the cupboard was friends with everyone, except for Kangaroo. Kangaroo had no friends; he hated everybody because they all said he smelled of burnt cats butt. Kangaroo was too cool for showers and cleaning, but when people said he had bad odours he always felt a deep and powerful anger, growing inside him, burning like a short boy thrown into a giant fiery paper bag.

Frederic started to feel lonely, he needed company, he was going through hard and difficult times while not having a face, it was sad for him and he needed someone to help him by aiding him and comforting him, he didn’t even mind if they pretended he was still nice to look at, it would make him feel better. So Frederic left his hole in the ground, where he sleeps, to the old Ice-cream eared boy’s house. Frederic liked the Ice-cream boy because he lets him lick his ice-cream ears.
‘Hello Ice-cream eared boy, it’s me Frederic, and I’ve lost my face’
‘Hello Frederic,’ greeted the Ice-cream eared boy.
‘Hello Ice-cream eared boy,’ replied Frederic with a blank face.
‘Frederic,’ exclaimed the tasty treat eared boy, ‘why, you’ve lost your face, where’d it go?’
‘I am unsure,’ said Frederic sounding sad and needy, ‘Can I put your ears in my mouth?’
‘Of course,’ the small boy would do anything for Frederic, because Frederic was a good cupboard who everyone was happy to see.

Frederic sucked on the boys ears for a few days; it was comforting for him to have such a loyal and helpful friend in times of need. All of a sudden Paul the colourful crab came clambering through the door, ‘Oh my goodness, I thought there was something wrong,’ he was acting like a crazy man, his claws waving around like he was a one man Mexican wave of crab, ‘I knew it couldn’t have been you!’
Paul the colourful crab spent 3 hours explaining to the two friends, who hadn’t left their house for days, what had been happening in the time of their absence.
‘There’s a man in town who looks exactly like you, he is the spitting image of the wonderful cupboard I call my friend. He appeared a few days ago, seeking friendship from all of the people in this land. We laughed and said, ha ha, that is a nice joke Frederic, and he said, tee hee. I always thought there was something wrong from the beginning; he smelled too much like stinky cat butt. It is Kangaroo! I knew it; I knew it was not you!’ Paul the colourful crab was quite excited; his face was changing colours constantly, like a magical rainbow with the power to create love in anything.
‘Goodness me Ice-cream eared boy, do you know what this means?’ shouted Frederic, ‘Kangaroo is the one who took my face as I slept unawares.’

After word of Kangaroo’s evil doings had reached all around the land, he was told not to do it again, and that it was not nice of him to do. He was made to apologise to Frederic the cupboard, ‘I just wanted to have friends, you have so many and I wanted to see what it was like to be loved by everyone,’ he began to explain.
‘It is alright,’ said Frederic, ‘I understand that you must be a very sad kangaroo, you have stinky breath and unusually unattractive features, and although this is all true, I would like to be your friend.’
Tears began to roll down Kangaroo’s face, ‘Your friend? How can you accept what I’ve done? I took your face without asking and was mean many people while disguised as you,’ at this point Kangaroo was about to burst with sadness and happiness all mixed into a little ball of tasty emotions.
‘Well Kangaroo, you see, I am a cupboard who lives a happy life and loves the friends I make, whether they be smelly or not, and I believe that you are only misunderstood. I do not place people in stereotypical categories. I’ve heard the rumours of all the people from Australia being wankers and buggers, but I think you are neither, in fact I think that once you get to know someone, you can grow to love them, and even grow to become one with them, becoming one being. I want to grow into one being with you Kangaroo.’

And with this, the two beings who were once apart and not friends became one friendly kangaroo-cupboard crossbreed who everyone grew to love.